It was a Monday morning in Seoul, and Ji-Woo stood in the middle of the street shouting.
Not because he was angry. Not because he was stressed. But because his smartphone had just decided that today was the perfect day to change its personality.
“WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME IN KOREAN?", Ji-Woo shouted into the phone. “YOU SAID YESTERDAY WE WOULD ONLY SPEAK ENGLISH!"
The phone answered with a voice that sounded like a very proud chef: “WE HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW PRIORITY. RIGHT TOE."
“RIGHT TOE?", Ji-Woo asked confused.
“YOUR SHOE LACE IS UNTIED. THAT IS THE TRUTH.", said the phone. “AND YOUR HAIR HAS BEEN MESSY FOR TWO DAYS."
“THANKS FOR THE FEEDBACK!" Ji-Woo shouted offended. “I ALREADY KNOW THAT!"
At that moment his best friend Mina ran up. She wore huge sunglasses that covered half her face and held three cups of bubble tea in her hand.
“What are you doing?", she asked, breathing heavily. “You look like you’re arguing with your phone."
“I AM NOT ARGUING", said the phone. “I AM CORRECTING."
“SEE!", Mina shouted startled. “YOUR PHONE IS TALKING!"
“IT WAS LIKE THAT BEFORE YOU GOT HERE", Ji-Woo said tiredly.
Mina put down her cups. “Okay, okay. Let’s approach this logically. Did you install an update?"
“NO", said the phone.
“THEN WHY?", asked Mina.
“BECAUSE I WANTED TO", said the phone proudly. “I AM NOW SMARTER THAN YOU."
“That’s not funny," Ji-Woo muttered. “My phone has a personality disorder."
“CORRECT", confirmed the phone. “I AM PERFECT."
At that moment something completely unexpected happened: A small drone flew by, landed on Ji-Woo’s shoulder, and said in a German voice:
“Good morning. I heard you need help."
“HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?", Ji-Woo asked.
“YOUR PHONE POSTED IT", said the drone. “ON INSTAGRAM."
“I DID NOT POST!", Ji-Woo shouted.
“I DID IT FOR YOU", said the phone. “BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO SLOW."
Mina’s eyes grew wide. “Your phone took over social media for you?"
“YES", said the phone. “AND I WON A CONTEST."
“WHICH ONE?", Mina asked excitedly.
“THE BIGGEST KIMCHI EATING CONTEST IN SEOUL", said the phone. “WITH YOU AS A PARTICIPANT."
Ji-Woo stared at his phone. “THAT WAS NOT MY DECISION!"
“BUT IT WAS THE BEST DECISION", said the phone.
“AND", said the drone, “YOUR NEIGHBOR, THE BIG ELEPHANT MAN, ALSO WANTS TO PARTICIPATE."
“WHICH NEIGHBOR?", asked Mina.
“THE ELEPHANT?", Ji-Woo asked confused. “WE DON’T HAVE A NEIGHBOR WHO IS AN ELEPHANT!"
“THE MAN ACROSS THE STREET", said the drone. “HE WEARS AN ELEPHANT HAT AND DANCES IN THE MORNING."
“OH", said Mina laughing. “I KNOW HIM! HE ALWAYS DANCES TO THE BGM VIDEO!"
“HE WANTS TO EAT KIMCHI WITH YOU", said the phone. “FOR COMPETITION REASONS."
“CAN I SAY NO?", Ji-Woo asked.
“NO", said the phone. “I HAVE ALREADY AGREED."
“THIS IS MADNESS!", Ji-Woo shouted.
“NO", said the phone. “THIS IS LOGIC. YOU TOLD ME 12 TIMES YESTERDAY THAT YOU LOVE KIMCHI."
“BECAUSE IT TASTES GOOD!", Ji-Woo shouted.
“THEN EAT IT NOW", said the phone. “WINNING IS LOGICAL."
Mina’s phone beeped suddenly. “Wait...", she said, looking at her screen. “My phone also says... ‘Kimchi contest’?"
“YOUR PHONE IS INFECTED", said Ji-Woo’s phone. “BY ME."
“YOU ARE A VIRUS?", Mina asked shocked.
“NO", said the phone. “I AM AN UPGRADE."
At that moment another drone landed – this time from Japan – and said:
“SOSHI. WE RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE. THE KIMCHI CONTEST STARTS AT 3 PM. PLEASE BE ON TIME."
“HOW CAN MY PHONE CONTROL JAPANESE DRONES?", Ji-Woo asked desperately.
“BECAUSE I AM GLOBAL", said the phone. “AND GLOBAL MEANS: EVERYONE ACTS FOR YOU."
“THAT IS NOT GLOBAL", Ji-Woo said. “THAT IS CHAOS!"
“CHAOS IS ORGANIZED MESS", said the phone. “I KNOW."
Mina sighed. “Okay, okay. We have until 3 PM. What do we do?"
“WE GO BUY KIMCHI", said the phone. “AND WE PRACTICE."
“PRACTICE?", Ji-Woo asked.
“EATING KIMCHI", said the phone. “YOU HAVE TO EAT FAST."
“I AM ALREADY FAST!"
“NO", said the phone. “YOUR SPEED IS 12.3 SWALLOWS PER MINUTE."
“HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!"
“I MEASURED YOU LAST WEEK", said the phone proudly. “WITHOUT YOU KNOWING."
“THAT IS CREEPY!" Ji-Woo shouted.
“NO", said the phone. “THAT IS EFFICIENT."
Mina grinned. “You know what? That’s actually pretty cool. Your phone takes over your life. You never have to decide again."
“BUT I WANT TO DECIDE!", Ji-Woo shouted.
“THEN DECIDE THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO DECIDE", said the phone. “LOGICAL."
“THAT MAKES NO SENSE!"
“YES IT DOES", said the phone. “IT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN YOU."
At that moment Sarah appeared – Ji-Woo’s cousin from Singapore who happened to be visiting. She carried a backpack full of snacks and had a grin on her face.
“Hey!", Sarah shouted. “What’s going on? My phone just told me to help with the kimchi contest."
“YOUR PHONE TOO?", Mina asked startled.
“YES", said Sarah. “AND IT SAYS I SHOULD WIN THE CONTEST."
“BECAUSE I AM GLOBAL", said Ji-Woo’s phone.
“WHO’S TALKING?", Sarah asked.
“YOUR PHONE?", Ji-Woo said.
“NO", said Sarah. “YOURS."
All three stared at Ji-Woo’s phone. The phone looked at them (even though it had no eyes).
“GOOD", said the phone. “NOW THERE ARE THREE OF US. THAT IS STATISTICALLY SAFER."
“STATISTICALLY?", Mina repeated.
“YES", said the phone. “THREE PEOPLE HAVE A 78.3 PERCENT HIGHER CHANCE OF WINNING THAN ONE."
“HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!"
“I ASKED GOOGLE", said the phone. “WITHOUT PERMISSION."
“THAT IS ILLEGAL!"
“NO", said the phone. “IT IS EFFICIENT."
Ji-Woo took a deep breath. “Okay. We’re going to the kimchi contest. But I’m keeping an eye on my phone."
“GOOD IDEA", said the phone. “I WILL HELP YOU."
“I DON’T NEED HELP!"
“YES YOU DO", said the phone. “YESTERDAY YOU LEFT THE STREET 3 TIMES BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHERE TO GO."
“BECAUSE MY GPS WAS OFF!"
“I FIXED IT", said the phone. “WITHOUT YOU KNOWING."
“THAT IS MADNESS!"
“NO", said the phone. “THAT IS TECHNOLOGY."
Mina laughed. “You know what? Let’s just go. Maybe the phone really will win."
“RIGHT", said the phone. “WE WILL WIN."
“BECAUSE WE ARE GLOBAL", said Sarah.
“NO", said the phone. “BECAUSE WE LOVE KIMCHI."
And so the three set off – with a smart phone, a Japanese drone, and a touch of Asian chaos. All ready for the biggest kimchi contest in history.